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    April 30

    经不起的考验

        不知道为什么,我觉得爱情这事儿禁不住考验。我知道这很偏激,但我确实没体会过禁得住考验的爱情。姑且把这算作没有遇见对的人吧。
        所以我总问昆昆,这种情况下会不会分开,这种情况下会不会感情变淡。呵呵,以前我从来不问的,但是我现在已经不知道了,什么都不确定了。连我爱不爱这个人,究竟是爱还是习惯,我都分不清了。这样说挺颠覆的……因为很有可能我重来就没有真的爱过谁。我是不愿意这么想,但我确实说不清楚了。我唯一不否认的一段感情就是初恋,那确实太刻骨铭心了,狠狠地甜狠狠地痛,剩下的……真说不清,我曾一度认为我最爱的是郭宇,因为我一直放不下……现在冷静了想想,是么?我有那么爱他么?还是只是因为我们之间有遗憾而不能释怀?总觉得不是,总觉得那不是爱情,太童话了,每天都很幸福,如果不是最后分开,我在这个过程中几乎没有尝过痛苦的滋味。唯一一次就是分手……所以~所以我才会觉得我的感情都经不起考验。虽然昆昆也是这样,但毕竟她终于找到对的人了,也是看见她,我才会回过头去反思自己的感情,才会想……这才是爱情呢~~~
        不知道,不知道所以就不想把自己拴死了,不想吊在一棵树上。除了然然,似乎,我遇到的男人在我心里都可以被另一个男人代替。然后就会对前面的人顿时失去兴趣,但是然然注定是我的最好的哥们儿,已经没有初恋的感觉了。我要找一个人,一个不知道哪里好的人,一个就是无论谁都代替不了的人。一个正好嵌入我心里缝隙的人,让我心里再也容不下任何人的人。中意哥对我说过:“两个人如果相爱,你们之间是插不进任何人的!任何事也不会成为障碍。”我明白,我就是在寻找这样一个人,慢慢来吧,我不着急。中意哥也说:“哈哈,怎么着,你才多大啊,甭学人家急着考虑结婚,好好等你要等的人。”

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